that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
