You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
