I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
