Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it because I queefed?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
