he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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