i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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