He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
