dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
