I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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