Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
