Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
