I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
where are you?
Hypothermia
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
