but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
