my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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