what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
