first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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