It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
