Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
