No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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