the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
