he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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