I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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