My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Fuck appropriateness.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
