Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
