When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
