Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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