I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
