Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
