hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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