I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
