I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
