There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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