is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
