I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
