# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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