just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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