even my farts smell like vagina
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
