And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
