Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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