Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
