I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
