Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
