how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
