I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
