My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
