It's just like the Real World with babies
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
