You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I AM VODKA MAN
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we're so committed to being not committed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
