Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
