By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
