Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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