mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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