you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
