You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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