Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
