Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
