Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
