Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
