Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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